This is the page where you will find random quotes that I have collected over the years. Most are funny, some are inside jokes, some don't make any sense, and a few are good words of advice. Enjoy! But first...the quote of the month:
It is important for the human race to spread out into space for the survival of the species. Life on Earth is at the ever-increasing risk of being wiped out by a disaster, such as sudden global warming, nuclear war, a genetically engineered virus or other dangers we have not yet thought of.
~ Stephen Hawking
"Excuses are like bellybuttons."
"Wow! You're just like the Flash, only slower."
"MULLET!"
"Hold on, I have your phone number here somewhere...wait...don't give it too me, I must find it so I can prove that I'm a responsible adult."
"HEY ERIC! Where did the bus stop go?"
"I wonder how many pairs of pants her ass wears through a week?"
~Jon Passow commenting on Nikki W.'s hot and perfect ass.
"The Mullet has a few flaws, mainly it tries to take over the world while you sleep."
Crawl back into you mullet, Passow.
Shut your mouth, I don't want to catch DOWN SYNDROME.
If you really want to hurt your parents and you don't have nerve enough to be homosexual, the least you can do is go into the arts.
I think I did the right thing by getting drunk last night.
Put Me In Coach!
Stay focused ladies!
"I'm not gay, it's just my mom's underwear..."
Let me show you how the sweet meat does it. BLAGHHHHH!!!!
Star Wars are the best kind of wars
That dog is getting annoying...someone should poison it.
Good...bad....I'm the one with the gun
Did you steal my monkey?
Aardvark is spelled with two a's at the beginning!
You got CHOCOLATE in my underwear! I got UNDERWEAR in your chocolate!
Wait, did you just say you were molested by the corn?
A gallant gesture, oh tall, hot, and lanky rock and roll dreamboat of the corn.
The Platypus...it's the ass end of evolution.
I can see it now, "Jon Passow...The New James Dean"
Have you heard, the birds the word, Ummmbappa ooo mow mow, bappa oww mow mow
Ummm...hey guys...is this water supposed to be dripping all over the electrical equipment like this?
Hey Lorie Strode!
Hahahaha, Yep, that's me!
Yoda is actually the illegitimate child of Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy. We've never discussed this before, and don't let it get out, because if that hits the National Inquirer we're all dead.
What a Passow!/That's So Passow!
~Jason Lehberger on things that typically suit my style
Wow! If I put my ear on top of your head, I can hear you chew better!
One of the worst things you can do as an actor, I think, is to forget your lines, and then get so flustered you start stabbing the other actors.
This is the scariest thing I have ever seen, Multiple Passows!
~Eric Piechowski on the last page of Mullet-Man 2.
It's Jimmy Leg! Jimmy it!
~Braun giving me my hack sack style nickname.
He wields a guitar like it was Mjolnir
This new kind of learning amazes me, Sir Vedivier. Explain to me again, how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.
Niiiiccceee.
Doink!
Ya, I'd grow a marijuana farm, but I don't want to live in a confined space of the next five years....you mean jail?
When the invading army comes, invite them in for tea.
Penny for your thoughts...Dollar for your fantasies...
Does my eyeliner make me look fat?
If Revenge of the Nerd movies have shown us anything, its that Corvette-driving, all-state quarterbacks with perfect bone structure, dandruff-free hair and cheerleader girlfriends named "Tiffany" aren't true leaders.
Far out, man.
It came with a thermomistate
You have a MULLET FAN CLUB?!?
It's the Bruce Lee Church Youth Group.
I'm the forbidden fish...I mean fruit....
This is an intervention!
I hope they let me vomit in the audition.
Ya, when I get some money, I'm going to buy a six pack....of toilet paper.
I'm not an asshole! I'm not an asshole! I'm not an asshole!
Your turn!
I ride the short bus!
Ohhhh...look at all the pritty Banthas...
She's got back...and front.
Wow! You lasted longer then those other suckers on the island.
Last night I went to bed and I smelled so bad I offended myself.
I once killed a man in Reno just to watch him die...but I got distracted and missed it. My friend saw it and told me about it but it just wasn't the same.
Why help them be better stupid?
Their so SOOOPID!
1984. Poor Orsen Wells. He imagined a world of conformity and oppression by 1984. He could never imagine the tragic, mind shattering reality that is "Three's Company."
Jon, my good man, I must give you my sympathy. For, you see... at my Elfwood gallery, every day, every, stinking day... I get those same people. And I pity them. I do.
Don't make me sic my targ on you!
Before you criticize someone walk a mile in their shoes so that way you'll be a mile away and have their shoes!!
Don't stick peppers up your nose.
Remember...No matter where you go....There You are!!
Mmmm... those cows are mighty tasty.
You've been besmirched!
Did you say 'Bolt Jews Down'?!?!
You look like you're from the Special Olympics.
Oh! Oh! Psych!
M & M's New Slogan: Melts in your mouth HAILHITLER!
That would be a lot funnier if I was black.
Hey, it's up again! Here's Kevin?
So, where's my quote?
Well, at least not everthing tastes like chicken.
We were all dropped on our heads when we were born for our own protection latter in life.
Justine: "I'm blind, you know. I can't see the questions from here."
As we all know, Christmas is that mystical time of year when the ghost of Jesus rises from the grave to feast on the flesh of the living! So we all sing Christmas Carols to lull him back to sleep.
Duct tape eats your four Aces.
It's your drumbeat now.
Easter is my favorite holiday. It's the day the Easter Bunny left clues in little plastic eggs so that Baby Jesus could find them and then use them to escape from Jerusalem and one day grow up to become Santa.
And for Ungreatful Brat Day, I would like...
When they put Alec Boldwin in the costume, he forgot.
Wait, wait, don't talk. I want to make sure I know something ya'll don't.
If it wasn't for food, I would be so bored at this job.
Don't talk to me in smart.
I find that Project Hence Fourth is commencing almost all the time.
And so an elf showed up and I was like "Woah! Elves exist!". Then it said "Dunk it head first." So I did...and it died.
Ow! This really hurts. I immediately regret doing this.
A memory leak is when a polygon is not closed off.
I've seen the guy make catches that were inhumanly impossible.
The gas masks that they issue in the army and navy do not work.
The Vikings caused the downfall of the Egyptian Empire.
He's a... Passow. What the f*@k is right with any Passow?
Mullet is going out lip.
He smells like purple.
Zacharies disease.
What isn't wrong with Passow?
Oh that's so cute! The Wolverine thinks he's people.
Won't give me money.
I gotta stay drunk or I'll end up passing out.
Passow's growing mold again!
Just imagine, if Satan came to Earth and technology was set back to the 1500's, you'll have to fight off zombies.
Stop putting new bugs into the database because they are apparently distracting the developers.
If it weren't for the whole 'Making out with other men' thing, I could totally see myself being gay. Because, at that point, you're just hanging out with the guys.
No, I've been banned from eBay 22 times.
2005: The year we stop pretending.
How come everything else is made in China but not fortune cookies?
Little kids can't just go running around expecting not to be molested.
Jon: Why can't you clone a clone?
He was raised by a pack of black peoples.
Jon: Why would he get pulled over?
I used to dream that I was on a desert island so I would know I could entertain myself.
Those of us who are diagnosed need to look out for each other.
Oh. Your bisexual? What percentage are you bi?
Passow...shut up.
You can't eat pecans?!? Those are the money nuts!
Chris: Miscommunication, sorry, I'm high.
I sleep like a baby, on drugs........ made out of wood...
Justin: I have a giant glow stick in my pants.
Luff: Arg, I can't think of a word.
Wow! I must be anticipating Star Wars (Episode III). I typed 'fett' instead of 'feet'.
Opinions are like assholes.... Some people like poking them.
I accidentally kicked a field goal from my goal line. I didn't make it.
He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would fully suffice...Heroism at command, senseless brutality, deplorable love-of- country stance- how violently I hate all this; how despicable and ignoble war is...I would rather be torn to shreds than be part of so base an action. It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war is nothing but an act of murder.
We don't hate the PC users, we pity them.
Stop throwing the Constitution in my face, it's just a goddamn piece of paper!
Violence begins where knowledge ends.
Ever have an argument with yourself and win?
These girls out here are strange.
"He's like a black hole."
"It's like if you raise a kid in Ohio."
Always look for plastic lined purses, so when you put food in it, it doesn't stain.
My dad get's Dick a lot...wait! That didn't come out right!
You don't sound skinney.
Since ash Wednesday is coming soon, I giving up picking my belly-button for lint.
Kids have changed... when I was a kid, I prayed for a new bike; now you steal a new bike and pray for forgiveness.
Do I feel really stoned to you?
It is important for the human race to spread out into space for the survival of the species. Life on Earth is at the ever-increasing risk of being wiped out by a disaster, such as sudden global warming, nuclear war, a genetically engineered virus or other dangers we have not yet thought of.
Is a picture with 5 pixels enough to make a poster?
if you weren't such a crackpot sometimes I'd say you'd make a great theoretical physicist.
~Ken Mangina on excuses.
~Dan Cramer on me drawing slowly.
~Um, pretty much everyone said this one.
~Rich Colenwood on finding my phone number in his wallet.
~Ya don't want to know.
~Grecar on my mullet.
~Eric Pie on insults.
~Shain McGinty on insults.
~Cat on Acting.
~Eric Pie about how he doesn't want to drink anymore.
~What Streaker yelled when he streaked at The JCU Girls Softball Game.
~What one of the softball players yelled after the above incident.
Audience then yells...
"YES YOU ARE! YES YOU ARE!"
~A "guest" commenting on wearing his mom's underwear on the Jerry Springer Show and the audience's reaction.
~Arcontie on trying to drink a gallon of water in 10 min then puking it up.
~Penny Arcade.
~My Aunt Therissa on a dog that was barking and yes...she was serious
~Ash from Evil Dead
~Jon Passow on randomness.
~Jon Passow on observational skills
~Jon Passow on stupid shit
~Jon Passow improvising his lines.
~Director/actor Ian talking to my character in the TV show "On The Rag"
~Jon Passow on what his favorite animal is.
~Linda, my former Personal Agent on what I look like
~Director Gore Viebrinski trying to get a song stuck in my head, I responded with a "Noooo!!! Not That! Anything But That!" and we laughed
~Me on the on set hazards of working at sea
~Me yelling to Jamie Lee Curtis in-between takes.
~Jamie Lee's response to above quote.
~George Lucas
~My cousin, Kirisa Daniels on discovering new sounds through unconventional ways.
~xObigeyedfishOx random instant message.
~Cyke's comment on my guitar skills.
~King Arthur, Monty Python And The Holy Grail
~Famous Actor Richard Burgi on my guitar playing on the set of Starship Troopers 2.
~What co-worker Mia says when she screws up.
~Dave Harder on the consequences of growing pot.
~David Reed's strategic...ummm....strategy.
~Me hitting on my roommate, Melanie.
~Esther on her insecurities(and no, she's NOT fat at all).
The real leaders are usually the dorky guys. The ones who were voted treasurer of the AV Club, took their cousin to the prom and spent most nights alone trying to watch the scrambled "nudie" channel.
~The secret to success
~Tommy Chung
~Me trying to say thermometer but coming out all wrong.
~Best friend Joe Davis thinking my Star Wars Fan Club was a Mullet Fan Club.
~Hillary Taylor on general craziness.
~Wendy screwing up phrases.
~Dave Reed and Melanie Stephens waking me up at 1 am telling me I AM going to collage.
~David Daskal
~Jon Passow priorities his spending.
~Melanie Stephans flipping out.
~Melanie Stephans on falling in love..."Tag Team Style".
~Jon Passow.
~Jon Passow.
~Eric Piechowski talking bout a hot chick's assets.
~Me commenting on friend David Daskal 's success on Average Joe 2.
~Dave Reed.
~Nathan K
~Dave Reed on those that are blissfully ignorant.
~Dave Reed trying to do an impression of Dextor (from the cartoon Dextor's Laboratory)
~Junkyard on...well...I really don't know what...
For they shall never know the joy that comes from having a sense of humor.
~Fellow Digital Artist Jemstone on "When People Think Your Spoof Artwork Is Not A Spoof"
~Jonathan Passow, AMC Movies at our House
~Travis, Carnivorous Plant Grower
~Boy, did I learn my lesson that time...ow...
~Chuck Raye
~Jonathan Passow's comments on the stake that he and friend Dave Reed just grilled.
~Joe Alfiri's word of the week.
~~Chris Luff totally not hearing the right thing.
~Josh Kirsch.
~Chris Luff.
~Ben Hemmert.
~Ben Hemmert.
~Ben Hemmert talking about the game server but being interpreted as something else.
~Brandon Church.
~Jon Passow.
~Timothy Luff.
Jon: "If you're really blind, you can't see the questions from anywhere."
~Justine Glennin and Jon Passow.
~Family Guy
~Rich Holmes
~Jonathan Passow, this means what ever you want it to mean.
~Ben Hemmert
~Ben Hemmert
~Brandon Church on the phrase "Only the Shadow knows..."
~Chris Luff on Snapple top facts.
~Chris Luff on the manotany of his job.
~Chris Luff after I said something using big words.
~Jonathan Passow on the hear and now.
~Eric Rosloff improvising on the phrase "Dunk it head first" printed on his Keebler Cookie..
~Chris Anderson
~Richard Holmes (this was said in complete seriousness)
~Richard Holmes (wait...if it was inhumanly impossible...wait...ow...my head hurts.)
~Richard Holmes (this was said in complete seriousness)
~Richard Holmes (All I did when this was said was stare and blink in disbelief at that comment.)
~Brandon Church when asked what's wrong with Passow in 5 words or less
~Chad Smith when asked what's wrong with Passow in 5 words or less
~Chris Anderson when asked what's wrong with Passow in 5 words or less
~Chris Luff when asked what's wrong with Passow in 5 words or less
~Eric Rosloff when asked what's wrong with Passow in 5 words or less
~Phil Batch when asked what's wrong with Passow in 5 words or less
~Richard Brenneman when asked what's wrong with Passow in 5 words or less
~Chris Luff
~Chris Luff commenting on my Tupperware container of split pea soup.
~Shawn "BDC" Lopicclo said this one. It's the zombie part that threw me off.
~One of my bosses at work basically saying 'Stop doing your job.'
~Jonathan Passow joking around at work.
~ Shawn "BDC" Lopicclo when asked if he uses eBay.
~Dave Reed, Be Here And Now
~Brandon Church
~Shawn "BDC" Lopicclo mentioned this while we were talking about the Michael Jackson trial.
Kravetz: Because that's lab insest.
~Jon Passow to John Kravetz.
~Randy Pick
Chris: DWM.
Jon: DWM?...Driving While Mexican?
~Jonathan Passow to Chris Luff about Juan Orsini who's actually Cuban but we say he's Mexican.
~John Kravetz on his ADHD.
~ John Kravets on both his and my ADHD.
~Julian Unruh talking to some chick.
~Juan Orsini's favorite line.
~Shawn "BDC" Lopicclo on one of my many allergies.
Jon: Don't worry, I'm drunk.
~Chris Luff to Jonathan Passow
~Justin Waller saying something that is one of the oddest things I have heard anyone say.
Jon: Who wants to rave?
~Jonathan Passow responding from half way into the next room to a comment made by albino Justin Glenan.
Kravetz: What word?
~John Kravetz responding to Chris Luff..
~Jonathan Passow
~Justin Waller.
~Brandon Maier while playing a football cell phone game.
~ Albert Einstein
~Dave Reed, Mac user.
~"President" George W. Bush said this when told that renewing the Patriot Act would undermine the Constitution.
~Abraham Lincoln.
~Jonathan Passow after some heavy thinking.
~Billy McNickle on women in Los Angeles.
"Actually, he's like a brown tube."
~Jonathan Passow and Dave Reed about Dave's dog, Tigger's eating ability.
"I'm from Ohio."
~Jonathan Passow speaking up after ease dropping in a bar.
~Joycelyne Lew's random words of advice.
~Jonathan Passow on what nick names his dad, Richard, gets.
~Linda Wade in a phone conversation to Jonathan Passow. I am still wondering how one sounds skinney...
~Richard Passow
~Richard Passow
~An anonymous stoner...you know who you are...
~ Stephen Hawking
~Joycelyne Lew
~GrumpyBear
Beer is the drink of those who think, and feel no fear or fetter – Who do not drink to senseless sink, but drink to think the better.
~Anonymous 1903