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A Scientific Report On The Mullet
Real Name: The Mullet
Scientific Name: Mulletascious Hairlongish
First Spotted: Mid 1970, but most notably in the 1980's
Claim To Fame: Being Rock and Roll's Most Prodigious Hair Style
About My Mullet: Little is know of the mullet, it is a symbiotic being. The mullet benefits from its host as does the hosts benefit from the Mullet. The Mullet benefits by having its goal achieved, while the barer of the Mullet receives undo attention, and in some rare cases, even fame.
The main goal of all the Mullet species is to convert all the hairstyles of the planet Earth into mullets and though this, the Mullet shall inherit the earth. Slowly but surly the 80's will come back enabling the symbiotic bonding of many potential mullet wearing hosts.
The Mullet's sleeping position is known as a Ponytail. Originally it was thought the Ponytail was a subspecies of Mullets, but it is now known that the Mullet will reduce its width and be allowed to be tied back.
Length of My Mullet From Top of My Head: About 18 inches
Length of My Mullet When In Ponytail: 7 1/2 inches
FEAR THE MULLET
Rules Of The Mullet!
1.Look but do not touch The Mullet.
2.If you wish to touch The Mullet, ask first.
3.Passow is The Mullet, thou shall not worship any other mullet.
4.Fear The Mullet.
5.Rock The Mullet.
6.Hump...The Mullet?
7.The Mullet is wild and as natural as Adam and Eve, thou shall not put any hair products into The Mullet at any time.
8.Women shall be offended yet intrigued by The Mullet.
9.The Mullet shall be washed every 1-3 days, 4 days only if Passow is not going out where women will see him.
10.The Mullet is a living organism capable of intelligent thought and feelings.
11.When provoked, The Mullet will attack.
UPDATE: The Mullet was laid to rest (cut) in 2002...but it's memory lives on...
The Mustache
The Mullet is now growing out of my upper lip.
Now that's me and my new western style mustache. I was searching through my photos and ran across a pic of my dad, Richard Passow, from July 1974. Check it out below.
Now, below I have cropped and resized the two and put them side by side. As you can see, I am, in fact, a clone of Richard Passow and now have no rights as a "human being" under common law. You think somewhere down the line someone would have told me I was a failed experiment, but nooooo...
